


Does it ever drive you crazy? Just how fast the night changes

by storiesthatmakeus



Series: Night Changes [1]
Category: Emmerdale
Genre: Character Death, Friendship, Grief/Mourning, Heartbreak, Loss, Love, M/M, Reflection, Vulnerability
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-05
Updated: 2018-01-05
Packaged: 2019-02-28 21:35:35
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,173
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13280328
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/storiesthatmakeus/pseuds/storiesthatmakeus
Summary: In the aftermath of the lorry crash a shaken Robert disappears, and Vic calls on the one person she knows can bring him home.Based on next week's spoilers.Prompted by Mauri.





	Does it ever drive you crazy? Just how fast the night changes

**Author's Note:**

> Hello!
> 
> So after I posted that I had an inspiration drought, the lovely Mauri (hiya) prompted me to write a story where Seb moves in with Robert in the aftermath of the White lorry crash. 
> 
> This is based on spoilers/speculation. It may not be what you wanted or expected, but it's all I could think of, so hope you enjoy nonetheless!

It was his phone threatening to vibrate off his bedside table that woke him. No, that wasn’t true. The persistent buzzing had been the only thing to tear his gaze away from the patch on the ceiling he’d been staring at for the best part of two hours, but he hadn’t managed a wink of sleep since he’d come home.

He hadn’t been able to. It had taken everything he and Vic had to coax Robert into leaving the hospital and coming home after the accident, his face still ashen as he gripped his son tightly in his arms, like he was never going to let him out of his embrace ever again.

Aaron had offered to stay, help in whatever small way he could, but Vic assured him they would be fine, and he had reluctantly left. That had been nearly three hours ago, and he had tried to distract himself by having an early night, but his mind wouldn’t shut down.

And now, here he was, contemplating ignoring the buzzing in his ear, but eventually he reached out a hand to grab his phone. Seeing Vic’s name on the screen, he sat bolt upright, the phone cautiously held to his ear as he tried to make out her panicked ramblings.

‘’Vic…what is…Vic slow down…gone? I’m on my way over, stay there.’’

 

In seconds he was at Keepers, Vic hovering nervously by the door with a dozing Seb in her arms. He could hear the sigh of relief come from her as he approached her quickly.

‘’Okay Vic, what is it? What’s happened?’’

‘’I don’t know Aaron.’’ She replied quietly, her voice cracking. ‘’I got him to go to bed eventually but then I heard him crying…’’

‘’Robert?’’

‘’Seb.’’ She clarified. ‘’He wouldn’t stop, and I thought Robert would…I went into Rob’s room to check on them but he wasn’t there…Aaron I don’t know where he is.’’ The panic was rising in her voice, and it was beginning to unsettle Seb, who woke with a shuffle and began to fuss as Victoria tried desperately to settle him.

‘’Vic, it’s okay. Go back inside, just try to keep calm for him yea?’’

‘’And what about Robert?’’ She began to sob, Seb beginning to wail louder in her arms as she rocked him back and forth anxiously.

‘’Don’t worry Vic. I’ll bring him home.’’

 

The barn looked the same as always as Aaron pulled up outside it, and he felt a tear of relief prick his eyes when he saw the outline of Robert’s car parked by the side, almost completely hidden from sight to anyone who hadn’t memorised the land by heart. Quietly pulling open the door, his heart broke when he saw Robert perched on the edge of a hay bale, looking impossibly small. He took a deep breath and cautiously made his way over to him, but Robert didn’t even look up as he came closer.

‘’Figured you’d be here.’’ Aaron tried lightly as he hovered hesitantly over him, Robert still refusing to meet his gaze.

‘’That predictable am I?’’

‘’Apparently so, and you were once such a difficult man to pin down.’’ Aaron replied jokingly, and for the first time since he’d arrived, Robert met his eyes, a hint of something like a memory flickering across his features, only to vanish again almost instantly.

‘’Why are you here?’’

‘’Vic called me.’’

‘’I’m fine.’’

‘’No, you’re not. You can tell me Robert, whatever’s going on.’’

Silence.

‘’Talk to me Robert, please. Vic’s worried sick.’’ Aaron pleaded as he sat down next to him, aching to wrap his arm around him, the _I’m worried sick too_ left hanging in the air.

‘’You were right you know.’’ Robert finally said as he twirled a piece of hay in his fingers.

‘’About what?’’

‘’I should have gone, that day in the scrap yard. I should have done what you told me to do and just driven somewhere away from here.’’ Robert answered, his voice quiet.

‘’And what would that have achieved?’’

‘’We wouldn’t be in this mess. My son would still have his mother.’’

‘’This wasn’t your fault Robert.’’

‘’No? Because if I hadn’t taken Seb, they wouldn’t even have been on that road in the first place. ’’

‘’No, you took him because they lied to you. And it was Lachlan that caused all this. He admitted it. He grabbed the wheel. He did this Robert, not you.’’

Robert shook his head in disagreement with Aaron’s words, and the heavy silence that stretched on between them in the aftermath bordered on uncomfortable when he finally spoke again, his voice barely a whisper.

‘’I’m scared Aaron.’’

‘’I know you are, but…’’

‘’I can’t be a dad, not on my own. He needs Rebecca, not me.’’

‘’But Robert…’’ Aaron began as softly but as firmly as he could. ‘’That’s not an option anymore, so it’s up to you now.’’

‘’I can’t.’’

‘’Why not?’’

‘’I’ll ruin that boy Aaron, and I’m scared I won’t be able to stop myself.’’

‘’Why would you think that Rob?’’

‘’I grew up without a mother, and look what that turned me into.’’

‘’Yea, one of the best men I know.’’ Aaron countered without missing a beat.

Robert looked up at him in complete bewilderment, his face clouded in disbelief as he tried to take in what he had just heard.

‘’Aaron…don’t…’’

‘’It’s true.’’ Aaron argued. ‘’Yea, you’ve made mistakes, but you’re a good person Robert, a really good person.’’

‘’I’m not.’’

‘’Look at all the things you did for Liv and me. You were like a dad to her Robert, and you became that man on your own, without a mother to help you and with a father who didn’t love you the way he should. So yea, you’re a good man. Actually, you’re not just good. You’re amazing.’’

‘’You really think that?’’ Robert asked shyly, suddenly looking like a little boy, and Aaron’s heart clenched.

‘’I don’t think it. I know it.’’

Without any warning, the barn seemed to light up as the spark came back to Robert’s eyes, and Aaron didn’t have time to react before he felt Robert’s lips crush desperately against his, the salt from tears he hadn’t seen him shed tingling his lips. It was so warm and so utterly familiar that his body took over before his mind could argue back. He felt his hands inching closer to Robert’s thighs, but almost instantly the space between them opened up as Robert pulled away and got to his feet, a look of embarrassment on his face as he paced in front of Aaron, running his hands through his hair in frustration.

‘’I’m so sorry Aaron, I don’t know why I did that.’’

‘’Rob, it’s okay.’’ Aaron said quietly, his mind racing.

‘’No, it’s not. What’s wrong with me Aaron? Why do I always do this?’’

‘’You haven’t done…’’ Aaron tried to protest as he jumped up, but Robert cut him off.

‘’I’ve abandoned my son. I’m kissing a bloke who isn’t mine to kiss anymore. I just can’t stop ruining things for people.’’

‘’Rob, that’s not true.’’

‘’You have a boyfriend Aaron, but I can’t help myself can I?’’

‘’Robert, look at me.’’ Robert shook his head, so Aaron repeated his name firmly, his tone taking the other man by surprise, causing him to look up and into Aaron’s eyes. ‘’You haven’t abandoned your son. You’ve been through so much these past few days; you’re bound to be all over the place. Of course you need a minute alone. And that…heat of the moment…but it’s forgotten yea?’’ He said kindly.

‘’Don’t Aaron, please…’’ Robert pleaded.

‘’What?’’

‘’Why are you being so nice to me?’’

‘’It’s what best friends are for innit?’’

He saw it coming the moment he said it; the look on Robert’s face, the small tear that rolled down his cheek in the split second before he broke down completely. Aaron was in front of him instantly, his arms wrapping Robert in a crushing embrace as his ex-husband sobbed inside his hug, his face buried in the crook of Aaron’s neck. He could sense his own tears coming as he felt Robert rock back and forth, his struggle to breathe against the weight of his tears as Aaron continued to hold him tightly causing Aaron’s own breath to catch in his throat.

‘’It’s okay Rob. I’m here okay? You’ve got me.’’

 

After what seemed like hours, though it was probably only minutes, Aaron felt Robert begin to steady against him, and he gently released his grip. Their eyes locked, and Robert wiped away the remaining tear from his eyes as he shuffled awkwardly in front of Aaron.

‘’I’m sorry. I…’’

‘’It’s okay Robert, you’re grieving.’’

‘’I’m not…’’

‘’You are.’’ Aaron countered. ‘’And not because you loved Rebecca, or any of them. You’re grieving for your son, for the mother and family he’s lost, because he’s too young to understand.’’

‘’Even I don’t understand…’’

‘’But you will, it just takes time.’’

‘’And that time starts now, right?’’

‘’Yea,’’ Aaron agreed with a soft smile. ‘’It does. C’mon, let’s get you home to your son.’’

Aaron led the way out of the barn, but frowned when he heard Robert’s footsteps trail off behind him. Turning around, he looked curiously at the other man, who was rooting in his coat for his keys.

‘’What are you doing?’’

‘’Getting in my car.’’ Robert answered, dumbfounded as to why Aaron would ask.

‘’Why?’’

‘’Well I’m not walking home Aaron.’’

‘’Yea, and you’re not driving either. C’mon, you’re coming with me.’’

‘’But what…?’’

‘’I’ll send our Cain to get it tomorrow. He owes ya one, remember?’’ Aaron said with a sad smile, and Robert relented, putting his keys away and climbing into the passenger side of Aaron’s car.

 

The trip back to the village passed too quickly, Aaron feeling Robert’s nerves increasing with every inch they got closer to Keepers. After giving him a second to compose himself, Aaron followed Robert cautiously up to the front door, but took a step back when Robert froze in front of him, staring into the window of Keepers.

‘’Robert?’’

‘’I don’t know if I can do this Aaron.’’ Robert admitted quietly as he turned around to face him.

‘’Yes you can.’’

‘’How?’’

‘’You just have to get through tonight, and tomorrow, you’ll be stronger. And then every night after that will get a little easier, until you don’t even notice how strong you’ve become.’’

‘’But what if I can’t even get through tonight?’’

‘’You will.’’

‘’How do you know that?’’

‘’Because I’ll stay with you.’’

‘’Aaron you don’t have…I mean I’ve got Vic.’’

‘’I know that.’’ Aaron agreed. ‘’But I want to. Now, you gonna let us in? It’s flippin freezing out here.’’

Vic was on them as soon as they walked through the door, hugging Robert for all she was worth before pulling away and giving him a thump to the arm.

‘’Where the hell have you been?’’

‘’I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to take off like that Vic. I shouldn’t have worried you.’’

‘’But you’re okay now?’’

‘’Yea, Aaron sorted me out.’’ Robert said softly, smiling at Aaron gratefully.

‘’Well at least one of you has some sense.’’ Vic retorted, but there was no heat in her words, only relief.

‘’Where’s Seb?’’ Robert asked hesitantly.

‘’Upstairs, fast asleep.’’ Vic replied kindly. ‘’Like his daddy should be.’’

‘’I’ll be fine. I’m gonna go see him. I’ll be back down in a sec.’’

As they watched Robert climb the stairs slowly, Aaron could hear the small sobs beginning to wrack Vic’s body. Wrapping an arm around her, he pulled her closer to him.

‘’Hey, he’ll be okay you know.’’

‘’I’m so worried about him Aaron, I don’t know how to help him.’’

‘’I do.’’ Vic looked at him curiously. ‘’Go and get some sleep, you’ll be better for him tomorrow when you’ve gotten some rest yourself.’’

‘’But…’’

‘’I told him I’d stay with him tonight. Go get some kip. I’ve got him.’’

‘’You’re sure?’’

‘’I’m sure.’’ Aaron confirmed, and he let her hug him for longer than normal before she climbed up the stairs after her brother. He could hear the faint murmurings from upstairs and then the click of a door as Vic went to bed. He suddenly felt very aware of himself as he stood in the cramped hallway of Keepers, not really sure what to do, but the quiet words coming from the open door upstairs spurred on his resolve, and he headed into the kitchen.

 

‘’Thought you could use this.’’ Aaron said a few minutes later, two steaming mugs of tea in his hand as he cautiously entered Robert’s room after quietly climbing the stairs and tiptoeing past Vic’s room. It felt alien to him now, being in Robert’s space after so long, the tiny box room made even smaller by the addition of the cot in the corner, Seb’s stuff haphazardly strewn everywhere after Vic had frantically collected it before they brought them home. Robert was hunched over the cot now, stroking Seb’s cheek absentmindedly as he watched his son sleep.

‘’Cheers.’’ Robert said gratefully as he accepted the drink, a faint tingle passing through Aaron’s fingers as he handed it over, but he shook it off.

‘’How is he?’’

‘’Out like a light.’’ Robert replied, still gazing at his son. ‘’Thank you Aaron, you really don’t have to do this.’’

‘’I know.’’ Aaron replied, but didn’t elaborate. ‘’Why don’t you sit down, you look shattered.’’

‘’Ever the charmer.’’ Robert said, his eyes crinkling in a small smile as he pulled himself onto the bed and leant against the wall, Aaron struggling not to fidget as he looked around, until Robert nodded for him to join him and he kicked off his boots before climbing onto the bed. They sat in silence, taking small sips of their tea as they watched Seb shuffle around in his sleep, Aaron trying not to watch Robert and failing miserably, catching the smile on his ex-husband’s face as he watched his son.

Almost as if he knew he was being watched, Robert’s face flushed with a tinge of embarrassment and he turned to Aaron, an open expression on his face.

‘’So…what’s going on in your life?’’

‘’Robert, we don’t have to talk about me…’’

‘’Please? I could use the distraction.’’

It was one of the great truths of Aaron’s life that he could never refuse Robert anything when he looked at him like that, so vulnerable and unguarded, and he was damned if he was to start on a night like this, so he thought for a second, before his mouth crinkled up in a smile.

‘’Liv wants to adopt a dog.’’ He said, smiling at the memory of his little sister fawning over one of those adoption ads on the telly.

‘’Thought you already had a stray?’’ Robert asked with a smirk.

‘’What? Oh Gerry? Yea, not house-trained though, so maybe the dog would be a good replacement.’’ Aaron said with a laugh.

‘’So, what dog are you gonna get?’’ Robert asked, once Aaron’s laugh had died away.

‘’We’re not getting a dog.’’ Aaron said firmly.

‘’We both know that’s a lie.’’ Robert laughed. ‘’You’ll keeping saying no, but then Liv will put on those mopey little eyes of hers and you’ll cave.’’

‘’No chance mate.’’ Aaron retorted, but there was a flicker of something in his chest that he thought had died away a long time ago, as he looked at Robert smiling softly in the soft light of his bedside lamp. For a brief second, he thought he saw Robert’s gaze drop to his lips, but the moment was broken by the sound of Seb gurgling, and Robert’s gaze instantly went to his son as he crawled off the bed and over to him, scooping him into his arms.

‘’Hey little man.’’ Robert whispered softly as he rocked him back and forth. ‘’Auntie Vic told me you were a little star while I took off like the silly idiot I am, but I’m back now, just in time to get you a feed yea? That’s what you’re after, I know it.’’ Robert smiled, pressing a kiss to Seb’s forehead, which elicited another gurgle, softer this time.

‘’He likes you.’’ Aaron said quietly as he watched them together, trying to avoid acknowledging the way his heart raced and his breath caught as he saw how utterly soft the man opposite him was.

‘’He puts up with me.’’ Robert countered with a smile. ‘’But I’ll take what I can get with this one. And he’ll take all the food he can get, won’t he? Bottomless pit you are aren’t ya? Now, can you behave yourself for five minutes while I make your bottle?’’ Robert asked his son softly as he turned to put him back down, until Aaron’s voice stopped him in his tracks.

‘’I’ll take him, if you want.’’ He didn’t know where it came from, or what possessed him to say it, but the words were out before he could stop himself, and the most terrifying part of hearing himself say it was that he didn’t want to take it back.

‘’Aaron…you don’t…’’

‘’I don’t mind, honestly.’’

‘’Are you…are you sure?”

‘’Yes Robert I’m sure. Hand him over.’’ Aaron said, trying to hide the nerves in his voice as he pulled himself off the bed and towards Robert, his arms open. He could feel Robert’s eyes on him, looking for a shred of doubt, but Aaron kept his embrace open, and after another second’s hesitation, Robert handed his son over, gently placing him in Aaron’s outstretched arms. Aaron brought Seb closer to his body, rocking him gently before looking back up at Robert, who was watching them in awe.

‘’See? We’re fine. Now go get his bottle before he screams bloody murder.’’ Aaron said lightly, and Robert relented, leaving his room slowly, his eyes still on them until eventually he vanished from sight.

‘’Bit weird this, innit?’’ Aaron asked the wide-eyed boy in his arms once Robert had disappeared from earshot. ‘’Never thought I’d be doing this with you.’’ He admitted softly as Seb’s eyelids fluttered sleepily. ‘’Shall I tell you a secret?’’

Seb gurgled softly in response to Aaron’s voice, and he took that as agreement.

‘’You’ve got the best daddy in the world little man. He’s a bit of an idiot sometimes…’’ Seb snuffled in response, and Aaron couldn’t contain his chuckle. ‘’See, you smart lad; you know that about him already. Thing is though, he’s only an idiot when he’s protecting the people he loves, and he loves you so much. He’s brilliant, and you’ll see that as you grow up, trust me.’’

Aaron stopped talking as he heard the sound of soft footsteps on the landing, and he gave Robert a small smile of encouragement as he re-entered the room.

‘’Alright?’’ Robert asked tentatively.

‘’Course. We got along fine, both agreed you’re an idiot.’’ Aaron smiled lightly, and he could have sworn Robert’s eyes lit up at his comment, but like all the other moments he’d had over the night, he shrugged it off, just like he shrugged off the spark that passed through him as he handed Seb back to Robert to feed.

 

Once Seb had been fed, changed and burped, and was snoozing softly in his cot, Robert returned to his position on the bed next to Aaron, and they stayed like that for hours, talking occasionally about Liv’s schoolwork and her inability to refrain from calling her teachers insufferable know-it-alls. They talked about Chas and Paddy, how happy Aaron was to see his parents together. Robert briefly mentioned Adam, and Aaron spoke about him a little, until his eyes glassed over and Robert nodded understandingly, trailing off the conversational path and allowing them both to sit in silence.

 

Aaron didn’t notice the time until he felt the first whisperings of the sun rising, soft streams of light poring through the gaps in Robert’s curtains, illuminating it in a warm glow and rendering the scars of the past few days invisible. He looked over to see the other man had fallen fast asleep, his arms tucked tightly around his pillows and his knees bent, one foot pressed against Aaron’s thigh. Treading carefully so as not to wake him, or Seb, who was still out for the count, Aaron peeled himself off the bed and manoeuvred the covers so Robert was tucked up securely. He sat down on the floor underneath the window and stayed there, just watching and listening to Robert breathe, until he heard the soft thumps of feet on the landing and saw Victoria appear behind Robert’s door. Motioning for her to stay outside, Aaron hoisted himself up and crept out of the room, closing the door softly behind him.

‘’How is he?’’ She asked quietly.

‘’He’ll get there.’’

‘’You didn’t have to stay here all night Aaron.’’

‘’It was nothing, honestly.’’

‘’Well thank you, seriously. I don’t know what I would have done if you hadn’t found him.’’

‘’He would have come back eventually, just needed a bit of a kick up the arse.’’ Aaron smiled. ‘’Now that you’re up, I’ll head off yea, give you two some time together.’’

Vic nodded softly and Aaron crept back into Robert’s room, quietly pulling his boots on. He was almost at the door when he heard the sleep-soft voice behind him.

‘’Aaron?’’

‘’You’re awake?’’ Aaron asked as he turned around, and Robert nodded softly.

‘’You’re leaving?’’

‘’Yea…erm…Vic’s up now so I thought I’d give you some time together, but I’ll be around, if you need anything.’’

‘’Thank you Aaron, I’ll never explain what this meant to me.’’

‘’You don’t need to.’’ Aaron replied quietly, and a soft gurgle from the cot drew his attention to Seb, who was watching him intently.

‘’Looks like someone else wants to thank you too.’’ Robert said with a smile.

Aaron walked over to Seb, crouching down next to the cot as the little boy followed his every move.

‘’You look after your daddy yea? And don’t tell him what I told you, you’ll give him a big head.’’ He said in a dramatic whisper, getting another gurgle from Seb and a curious look from Robert.

‘’Our secret.’’ Aaron grinned as he turned to leave again.

‘’Aaron?’’

‘’Yea?’’

‘’How will I ever explain this to him?’’

‘’You’ll find the words, when the time is right.’’

‘’You sure about that?’’

‘’I’m sure about you.’’ Aaron replied with a smile as he gave Robert a parting nod and descended the stairs, stopping to give Vic a small hug before he stepped out into the chilly morning air.

 

In the end, it was Aaron himself who headed back to the barn to get Robert’s car. He pulled up in the garage’s tow-truck, the memory of Cain’s questioning stare when he asked to borrow it still lingering in his head. As he hitched Robert’s car to the back of the truck, he couldn’t shake the image of the last time he had been in this position. It was a different location, a different car, and a much different time, but the butterflies in his stomach were as familiar as ever.

He was all ready to drive off, but his brain wouldn’t focus long enough to get him into gear, and before he knew what he was doing, he found himself out of the truck and back in the barn, sitting on the same hay bale he had perched on only hours previously. He looked around the barn, all the memories good and bad filling up his senses, but of all the words spoken in this dusty old building, all the moments shared, only one was now imprinted on his mind.

 

_‘’A bloke who isn’t mine to kiss anymore.’’_

 

He’d spent all night denying it, too focused on Robert to let himself be consumed by his thoughts, but now as he paced the barn alone, nothing but silence and memories surrounding him, he allowed himself to shed a tear over his ex-husband’s words. He could feel the anger bubbling up inside him, anger that he could feel like this at a time when Robert was at his most vulnerable, but the simple truth his heart was telling him was no longer deniable.

 

He wanted to be the bloke who was Robert’s to kiss.

 

He thought back to his parting words as he stood at the door to Robert’s room.

_‘’I’m sure about you.’’_

Robert had taken it as a comment meant to inspire confidence, but even as Aaron had said it, he knew it meant more. Now, as he stood in the barn and looked around at the place where Robert had made him his own night after night, Aaron was sure of one thing.

 

After all they had been through, and everything they had done, he was sure.

 

He was still irrecoverably in love with Robert Sugden.


End file.
